The More Things Change...

A few generalities I hear about the squawk radio biz…

...and my responses...

Most pre-Rush conservative talk shows opened with "Stars and Stripes Forever"

Most post-Rush conservative talk shows open with cheesy, overproduced bombast, hyping the host as The Sole Purveyor Of Truth. Some also play "Stars and Stripes Forever"...

Most pre-Rush conservative talk show hosts hated rock 'n' roll, blaming it for promiscuity and the promotion of liberal values

Most post-Rush conservative talk show hosts hate hip-hop, blaming it for promiscuity and the promotion of liberal values...

Most pre-Rush conservative talk shows got their talking points from the John Birchers and other conspiracy theorists and books... Fluoride is corrupting our precious bodily fluids, and refined white sugar is making teenagers want sex before marriage... the Trilateralists, the Bilderbergers, the Council on Foreign Relations... It was the collective
wail of being out of power.

Most post-Rush conservatives get their talking points from News Max, and World Nut Daily. Immigrants are ruining America, Islam is synonymous with fascism, and Christians are a persecuted minority. It's the collective wail of being out of power...

Most pre-Rush conservative talk shows were 1) Gun control and 2) Abortion. Rinse, lather, repeat....

Most post-Rush conservative talk shows consist of the following: 1) Bush can do no wrong, 2) anyone in the least bit critical of the current commander-in-chief is an ally of Osama bin Laden and 3) the Clintons are responsible for pretty much everything that's wrong with the world. Rinse, lather, repeat...

Most pre-Rush talk shows, conservative, liberal, or opinion-free moderators, could not go three hours talking about race without some unreconstructed cornpone using the N-word... which was not bleeped in those days...

Most pre-Rush talk shows, conservative, liberal, or opinion-free moderators, could not go three hours talking about anything without several unreconstructed cornpones parroting word-for-word talking points from Rush or some unimaginative conservative "columnist"...

Most pre-Rush talk show hosts read articles on the air... a lot... badly.

Most post-Rush shows read articles on the air...a lot...badly. The main difference is these most of articles now come off the internet...

Most pre-Rush talk show callers read articles on the air... a lot... badly... and slowly.

Ditto...

Most pre-Rush talk show callers left their radios turned up. (To experience this kind of talk radio in the 21st century, tune in KDWN 720 Las Vegas when in range...)

One area where things have truly improved is on the technical end, though I've heard some godawful-sounding talk station in recent years...

Most pre-Rush talk show hosts had only the morning paper for show prep.

Most post-Rush talk show have a wealth of sources available to them. Unfortunately, they only use a handful of preaching-to-the-choir websites (see above). One difference: most of today's hosts don't even bother with the morning paper...

As the French say, le plus change...

Scary Radio Story

Note: the following story reflects my perspective on true events. Individual and corporate names are witheld to protect the innocent - namely, me.

Hope you and yours had a nice "boid" this week.

I just had a veeeeerry interesting experience with a certain broadcast chain in the Midwest. Suffice to say I've never been so happy about not taking a job.

(In the interest of fairness, I will tell you that the broadcast chain in question has some very vocal supporters, both inside and outside the company. What follows may very well reflect a minority opinion; it's all true nonetheless.)

It started a few weeks ago when I responded to an ad in All Access for a Program Director/Morning Host position at a news/talk station in the Midwest. A week ago Monday I got a call from a consultant who said he wanted to set me up with the company. So far, so good.

That's when things started to get...weird...

The consultant and the guy from the company (whose title I never really could get) were all talk. Talk about how the company is so highly regarded, talk about the new station and the high expectations, talk about how happy everybody was who worked there. Talk, talk, talk...

Then I started asking questions...

I asked if they would fly me in. No, they said, though if I were to fly in on my own, they would reimburse me...if I took the job. What, I asked, were the specific duties of the position? "Well, you'll have to talk to the market manager about that." (The market manager? If he's the decision-maker here, why haven't I been talking to him from day one?)

All the time they were pressing me to commit to the job over the phone, asking me why I was so "hesitant" about things...

I asked via email for a letter of intent spelling out the specific duties along with all the basics: salary, health plan, etc. Turned out this "manager" didn't have the answers: "we'll have to check on that," "you can run it by the market manager," (him again) and "why are you sooooo hesitant about this?"

Finally, I sent back my own "letter of intent," describing for myself what I think my duties should be, along with specifics about my compensation. "Run that by your market manager and let me know," I said.

A day later I get a note from the consultant that I'm out of the running; the company manager guy told the consultant (in an emailing forwarded to me) in these exact words:

"Take this guy off the table. His needs are not our concern."

This comes from what the aforementioned consultant described to me as a “straight-shooting, people-first organization.”

Now I like to think I'm a pretty reasonable guy. It's also true that right now I’m not exactly coming from the greatest bargaining position in the world. Still, I didn't ask for anything I didn't consider reasonable (and haven't gotten without any problem from other companies in even smaller markets in the past).

So let's take stock: they want me to drop everything and drive nine hundred miles to take the job sight unseen - dealing with all that nasty "fine print" later. When I insisted they conduct themselves like businessmen, they got downright hostile.

I'm thinking I really dodged a bullet here...

One postscript to the deal: the consultant who set it up sent me one final, snippy e-note. You know the type: you'll regret not joining this great company, someday you'll learn how to deal with people, the usual silliness. Condescending as hell (nothing threatening though, except in a "you're going nowhere in this business" kind of way). My favorite line was this one (obviously intended to cut me to the quick):

"You may find it interesting that a key guy at one of Tulsa's flagship stations is keenly interested in this job."

Tulsa, huh? Guess they showed me...

I have no regrets about my decision. Why am I telling you all this? Well, if you ever hear from anyone who is thinking about going to work for a “highly-regarded” chain in the Midwest that describes itself as a "straight-shooting, people-first" organization, you might want to have them call me...just for a balanced perspective.

Things That Make Get Me Mideval On People's Hind Quarters

A lefty website called “Think Progress” has video of the fracas on the floor of the House that ensued tonight after Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio) decided to, in her words, "send a message" to Rep. John Murtha (D-Penn.), a retired Marine colonel who picked up two purple hearts in Vietnam, that…

...well…

...oh hell, just read the damn thing for yourself:

Yesterday I stood at Arlington National Cemetery attending the funeral of a young marine in my district. He believed in what we were doing is the right thing and had the courage to lay his life on the line to do it. A few minutes ago I received a call from Colonel Danny Bubp, Ohio Representative from the 88th district in the House of Representatives. He asked me to send Congress a message: Stay the course. He also asked me to send Congressman Murtha a message, that cowards cut and run, Marines never do. Danny and the rest of America and the world want the assurance from this body – that we will see this through.

Schmidt later offered a half-assed retraction…

I swear, if I hear of just one more snot-nosed, posturing, chickenhawk neocon calling a veteran a traitor or a coward or any other similar epithet, I’m gonna take my cue from Bruce Cockburn and start shopping for a goddamned rocket launcher…

Meanwhile, Alan Colmes is playing Solitaire...

Bill O'Reilly announced this week he was compiling an enemies list of organizations, individuals, and websites, which he feels are “un-American,” are “against our way of life,” and are "dangerous."

Sean Hannity already has a similar “list”… Hannity in fact is known to repeatedly wave paper at cameras and microphones, on which he claims are facts to back up some talking point or another (he has yet to actually show anyone the contents of the paper)…

One supposes we can look forward to O'Reilly doing the same.

As someone once said, I can hear it now...

DREAMY HARP MUSIC AS CAMERA FOCUS OUT TO DREAM SEQUENCE...

SCENE OPENS: Bill O’Reilly, world-renouned television and radio commentator is sitting at a restaurant table, working on his bacon and eggs. Across from him is a Fox executive.

BO: One day you've got me saying there are ninety Al Queda operatives in the Democratic Party...next day it's forty-four, next day it's one hundred and thirty-two...ya know, I think I'd feel better about all this paper-waving if people weren't making such a big deal out of the discrepancy...

FE: Let 'em bicker...as long as it keeps you in the papers, any publicity is good publicity.

BO: Well, couldn't we at least come up with one solid number?

FE: OK, OK...if it'll make you feel better. Now let's see... (Fox Exec gazes intently at the bottle of ketchup on the table)

CUT TO: "The No Spin Zone." O’Reilly is waving a piece of paper in the air...

BO: "I have here in my hands CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE that there are no less than FIFTY-SEVEN Al Queda operatives inside the Democratic Party..."

(Apologies to Richard Condon and John Frankenheimer)

'Nuff Said?

Curious Stan Lee-esque comment from Republican Senator Chuck Hagel re the Iraqi mess:

"We must avoid the traps of hubris and imperial temptation that come with great power"

They say beware of any politico who invokes Lincoln, but what about one who paraphrases The Amazing Spiderman's uncle...

What About Joan - Yeah What About Her?

Jesse Walker at Reason.com on the impending demise of the show Arrested Development:

...we'll soon see a dropoff in the number of articles telling us what boobs we are for not appreciating that heavy-handed, relentlessly unfunny show...

To be fair about it, I’ve never watched Arrested Development, but in a more general sense I’m totally with Jesse; I had my fill long ago of pompous critics lecturing me about self-indulgent crapola that I'm supposed to like, from Northern Exposure to Days And Nights Of Molly Dodd…

…not to mention anything with Joan Cusack...

Stupid Idea Of The Week

Traffic is so bad along the eastern rim of L.A.'s suburban ring that regional planners are talking about building an 11-mile tunnel through an area mountain range.

Ahem...heeellooooooooo...

One Reason You'll Never See Me On Hannity/Colmes Is I Say Crap Like This

A fellow you’ve probably never heard of named Mike Rogers has written a fine column on the Mass Media and how they have prostituted themselves in recent years. One particular passage stands out for me:

Most TV announcers have sold their souls to the devil in exchange for fame. I know, I have met many who readily admit so. We should not expect anything from them except lies and a full plate of vanity...Of course they’ll lie about anything. They have no conscience. After all, all they want to be is on TV and to do so, they think they have to give the public what it wants. It doesn’t matter if it’s the truth or not.

I know where he’s coming from; I’ve seen the same sort of self-prostitution in my own branch of the Mass Media, that moribund muck of mediocrity that is American talk radio.

At the risk of sounding high and mighty (and since when did that ever stop me), I will tell you that I decided some time ago that as a talk host I would only play the game to a certain point. I understand and respect the business imperatives of broadcasting (we’re all here to turn a profit for the boss), and I never plan to become one of those sophomoric assholes who scorn commercial radio as “selling out.” That’s self-indulgent liberal crap.

But…

I never want to become one of those tiresome Rush clones, playing upon the fears and prejudices of elderly right-wing extremists sitting at home in their underwear, unimaginatively parroting the neocon party line, pandering to some drone of a program director and his pimp of a general manager whose idea of programming a radio station is to fit in, not make waves, and kill time between the commercials as painlessly as possible.

Unfortunately, that seems to be what sells in the major markets these days.

This means that in the long run I probably won’t make it to the “big time” in my chosen field. I can live with that. I’m not bitching.

What I’m looking for is a gig where I can have some fun and do the kind of radio that works for me and pull down a livable salary while furthering my education and enriching myself on my own time. I think that's realistic.

Ultimately, I want to follow the example of one of my radio heroes, the late David Brudnoy: have fun teaching history by day, have fun yakking on the radio by night.

Does this make me better than those guys who have hit the "big time" by playing the game? Well, in some cases yes. Some of those guys, frankly, stink on ice.

So don't listen for me in syndication. Don't look for me to "write" some crap vanity book that nobody but a handful of the true believers will ever buy.

If, however, I wind up working on the air in your home town, check me out. You may be pleasantly surprised. And if you decide to buy time on my station, I promise to do my damndest to move your product.

It may not be the big time - but I'd rather be able to sleep at night.

Life In The Peace Garden State

Up here in North by-Gawd Dakota the following email has been making the rounds. Let me make clear: I DID NOT WRITE THIS!

North Dakota News Bulletin

WEATHER BULLETIN Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event — may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" — with a historic blizzard of up to 24" inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed all roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.
FYI: George Bush did not come....
FEMA staged nothing....
No one howled for the government...
No one even uttered an expletive on TV...
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.....
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House....
No one looted....
Phil Cantori of the Weather Channel did not come....
And Geraldo Rivera did not move in.
Nope, we just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars, fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps, and put on an extra layer of clothes because up here it is 'work or die'. We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks. Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early...we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.
"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the worlds social problems evaporate."

Again, for the record: I DID NOT WRITE THAT!

I think the Snopes folks do a pretty good job of debunking the "facts" in the emailing. What they don't mention (but I will) is that the person who did write that is arrogantly provincial and inexcusably insensitive to the suffering of others...not to mention a racist jerk.

Unfortunately those are the kinds of "social problems" you can't run away from, not even in the Peace Garden State...

Credit Where It's Due, Dept.

Ralph Nader wrote a column urging all civic-minded citizens to join in the fight against malaria.

Mr. Nader is not among my favorite people on the planet, but to his credit he's dead right about one thing: the use of DDT to fight malaria.

He's for it.

You know he had to take a ton of crap from his Green following, but on this issue at least Ralph Nader is on the side of the good guys.

The Mob Has Spoken

Yesterday was (ugh) Election Day. So...if you're feeling a bit smug because your candidate or referendum won, or conversely, bummed because he/she/it lost (or, if like me, you're just soured on the whole sick, sordid process) here's a commentary that should put matters in perspective.

On second thought, maybe I should have run this a couple of days ago before you went out and wasted your time voting. My apologies - I'll try to be more on the ball next time...

Atheists In Foxholes

Sadly, there are people out there even in this day and age who believe there are no atheists in foxholes, that you can't be a bona fide American hero unless you're sufficiently "Christian"...

Tell that to Hans Kasten...