I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ass Cream

Coolest. Website. Ever.

(Don't believe me? Run your cursor over the pics of the two chicks and the fat dude...)

Crock The Vote

Well, it's pretty much official: I have completely lost interest in the presidential race.

Not that I had that much to lose...

Milestones

I reached a personal milestone a few days ago. Bear with me...

I switched car insurance this month. Saved a bundle of dough, but there's a little more to it...

For years I've shared car insurance with my father; all the cars were under his policy, and he took care of it. I never gave it much thought, and he rarely bothered to mention it. It all goes back to my misspent youth when my parents helped finance my major purchases. Out of convenience, inertia, or whatever, I just never got around to getting my own policy.

Until now.

Bottom line: at age fifty-two, for the first time in my adult life, I am proud to say I am one hundred percent financially independent.

Well, better late than never, right Dad...right Dad...

Tree Of Jesse

A thought or two re the passing of Jesse Helms…

Helms remains a curiosity to me; an acquaintance of mine who has connections in Washington (and is himself fairly liberal) tells me that Helms, for all his bombast, was well liked on a personal level and was considered a savvy politico.

Two questions: 1) Is is possible that at least some of Helms's "racism" was political posturing (a la George Wallace) and...

2) What does Helms's popularity inside the beltway tell us about the inside workin's of the town...

I (Still) Can't Drive 55

Of all the really stupid things to come out of the seventies, one of the stupidest is about to make a major comeback.

Several states, most notably Michigan, are pushing for a return to the universal 55-mph speed limit. Perhaps you remember the last time we tried it back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. The idea was that you make everyone slow down to 55, you save on gas and, as a side effect, the price of gas drops. We all remember how well that worked.

What we have here is a classic case of the government doing what the government does best: making a lot of noise about an issue, until either the people get used to things and forget about it, or the problem resolves itself, at which time the incumbents rush to take credit for fixing the problem.

It didn’t work then, it won’t work now. Insanity is when you do the same thing over and over expecting a new result. Politics is built on insanity, or more specifically, the short memory of the public.

What about other factors like safety? Well, the Michigan State Police, in conjunction with that state’s Department of Transportation, say dropping the limit can do more harm than good. These two agencies worked together to raise speed limits on Michigan freeways a few years ago from 65 to 70, in an effort to promote safer, uniform traffic. It’s a proven fact that speed variations are more dangerous than high speeds.

On top of that, as a lot of us know first hand, most drivers will ignore the artificially lower limits. Speed limits should be based on engineering and safety considerations, not political expediency.

Does slowing down really save on gas? Not necessarily: according to the National Motorists’ Association, the 55-mph National Maximum Speed Limit, which was enacted specifically to save gas, had practically no impact on fuel consumption. There are several technical reasons, but what it boils down to this: Speed limits based on actual travel speeds promote better traffic flow, which reduces the amount of braking and accelerating on our roads. This has a positive effect on fuel consumption.

But even if it did save money, so what? Here’s the bottom line: if I’m willing to pay out my own pocket to drive a little faster, what’s the problem? You wanna save on gas…fine, you slow down to a crawl. Just stay the hell out of the passing lane, so I can get around you, OK?

That's Show Biz

OK Hollywood…we get it.

You rake in massive amounts of dinero by shoveling dreck down out throats.

You take the most unappealing, unattractive and untalented people you can find and make them big stars…just to show us you can.

You waste our time with rehashes of cheesy sitcoms and comic books and get away with it, because, well, as someone once said, no one has ever gone broke by underestimating the intelligence of the average American.

So, you’ve made your point…you’re all powerful.

Now…would it be too much to ask that you make a few movies for those of us with an I.Q. larger than our shoe sizes.

On the off-chance you do, you'll find me in my bedroom watching an endless loop of Ice Station Zebra...