In A Perfect World

Here's what I want to see happen today:

I want the Bears to lose.

I want everyone in Shit-cago to be miserable.

I want the whole damn disgusting city to crumble into Lake Michigan and everyone die a slow death INCLUDING THAT BITCH OF AN EX-GIRLFRIEND OF MINE WHO DUMPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO AND THEN HAD THE GALL TO MOVE TO CHICAGO, GET HAPPILY MARRIED AND HAVE A GREAT LIFE!

Not that I'm bitter, or anything...