Darren McGavin, R.I.P.

Another departure this weekend. Godspeed, Kolchak...

Don Knotts, R.I.P.

So long Barn, and thanks for the memories...

Port Whine

Before you get taken in by all the balloon-knots making a big stink about the port "controversy," you should read this:

Led by a disparate coalition of mindless opportunists, anti-Arab racists, and warmongering politicians, an effort to scare the American public into making a few ruthless "entrepreneurs" obscenely rich by giving them a virtual monopoly on America's port facilities shows every sign of apparent success.

I'm with Raimondo: it's a non-issue, nothing more than fodder for Big Labor, ignoramus talk show hosts (and their boobous listenership), and asshole demagogues like Hillary, Chuck Schumer and Tom “King Of All Douchebags” Tancredo, among others.

Oh yeah, and racists too...

UPDATE: Here's another good write-up on the (non) subject...

S-o-o-o-o-o-o-domy, Is Such A Lonely Word...

My nomination for story of the week:

A Battle Creek man charged with having sex with a sheep has been sentenced to prison.

Assistant Prosecutor Tamara Towns argued that while the crime was not against a person, Haynes should be ordered to register as a sex offender because it's possible that once out of prison he would prey on children or vulnerable adults.

Paging Woody Allen...

Quotations From Chairman Milton

Here's a recent interview with one of my heroes, Milton Friedman.

Another hero of mine is civil liberties lawyer Nat Hentoff. Here's his latest...

Where's Genghis Khan When You Need Him?

A note from a family member:

I've just had one of "we're not in Kansas anymore, toto" moments: I watched the Olympic delegation from Mongolia enter the stadium to the sound of "Video Killed The Radio Star" by The Buggles. Not to put too fine a point on this, but can't the good folks in Torino find a better way to mark the occasion and honor the athletes than with a collection of disco hits and early MTV tunes? I'm just as irreverent as the next guy (and then some) but, after all, we're talking about holding the Olympic Games in the leading country of the Renaissance. Now, if they played a little Elvis when our athletes entered, maybe you'd have something...

Eyeeeeeeeee, Don't Know How To Loooooove Him...

Thanks to The DaVinci Code, Mary Magdalene is back on the A-list.

And that, no doubt, will rekindle interest in Jesus Christ Superstar.

Please God…anything but that…

I was in high school when Superstar came out. I remember thinking, "What a lameass pile of feces on a cold frosty morning this is."

Ya know what? It still is.

Let's face it, gang: the only "rock opera" that ever really worked at all was Paradise By The Dashboard Light...

...and that was only because of Phil Rizzuto...

Population Bombed

The birth rate in Europe has been declining for several years. You think that’s good news? Au contraire, mon frere.

Quoth one of our favorite eschatologists, the Rev. Pat Robertson:

Studies that I have read indicate that having babies is a sign of a faith in the future. You know, unless you believe in the future, you're not going to take the trouble of raising a child, educating a child, doing something. If there is no future, why do it? Well, unless you believe in God, there's really no future. And when you go back to the existentialism of Jean-Paul Sartre, the whole idea of this desperate nightmare we are in -- you know, that we are in this prison, and it has no hope, no exit. That kind of philosophy has permeated the intellectual thinking of Europe, and hopefully it doesn't come here. But nevertheless, ladies and gentlemen, Europe is right now in the midst of racial suicide because of the declining birth rate. And they just can't get it together. Why? There's no hope.

(Curiously, in France, the home of Monsieur Sartre, the birth rate is actually rising. Merde, as the great man himself might say. Sartre, not Robertson)...

So...the population goes up, it's bad news. If it goes down, it's bad news. If it stays the same, it's bad news.

Ah...the hell with it.

(BTW: Does Rev. Robertson still plan to televise the Second Coming? And will Joan and Melissa be there to comment on His wardrobe?)

Grandpa, We Hardly Knew Ye

Sad to hear of the passing of Al "Grandpa" Lewis. Al had a restaurant in Manhattan called, appropriately enough, "Grandpa's," and was a regular fixture around Greenwich Village. He also hosted a left-wing radio talk show and ran for office on the Green Party ticket. Truly an interesting guy.

From The Frozen Tundra Of Lambeau Field

At the Reason Hit & Run site, Tim Cavanaugh pays homage to the man behind the Voice of the NFL…

No, not him…

I’m talking about the Voice O’ God himself, the inimitable John Facenda.

Hailing from the extended Philly metro, I grew up watching the ever-reliably dour Facenda anchor the local news in the sixties (given the doomy and gloomy tone of the time, Facenda was perfect for the job).

I also remember him as the voice for the Sears radio spots. In 1978, when Paul VI checked out, some friends of mine in radio did a never-to-be-aired mockup of "Jooooohn Facenda for Sears' 'The-Pope-Is-Dead Sale'".

OK, I guess you had to be there...

The State Of The Onion

“My fellow Americans: the state of our Union is blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah the war on terror blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah protecting our borders blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah Homeland Security blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Iran blah blah blah nuclear blah. Blah blah blah blah blah Saadam blah blah blah weapons of mass blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah 9/11 blah. Blah blah blah blah the Axis of blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah the Patriot Act blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah with the grace from God we shall blah blah blah blah. Good night, good luck, and God blah America.”

(Apologies to Philip Roth)