In Your FACE, Chris Hansen...

I spend a lot of time on this blog and elsewhere pissing and moaning about the sorry state of much of modern radio. In fairness I offer this as a testament to the medium's power (and tell me it doesn't beat the bejabbers out of that self-righteous, posturing goofball Hansen)...

Ain't She A Butte

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this cellphone photography thing. Enjoy some shots of our local North Dakota landscape...

Carry That Weight

Here's the latest on the weight-loss campaign...

Me: 234...down 23 lbs total since early September.

My Wife: (weight undisclosed because I don't like sleeping on the couch)...down about 20 lbs.

You'd be amazed at how much easier it is to get up in the morning.

Pictures forthcoming (just as soon as I figure out how to email pics from my new cell phone - this could take a while)...

A Not So-Joyful Noise, or: Ave Maria, Gee It's Good To See Ya

Proving once again that it has a serious problem with its priorities, the Vatican has announced a major effort to purge the church of...

...modern music...

Actually, I'm with His Holiness to a point. Let's face it: Christian rock sucks big-time. Folk Masses used to be kind of cool; now you get crap like this. Hank Hill said it best; Christian rock doesn't make Christianity better; it makes rock 'n' roll worse.

Gregorian chants, on the other hand, are pretty powerful stuff. No competition.

Still, I'd hate to see them throw out the baby with the holy bathwater. I for one would go to chuch every day just to hear music by these guys...

The Icy Finger Of Fate

Out here in the northern plains, it get cold in a hurry. I went out tonight to fill the gas tank. I left my gloves at home.

Big mistake - never do that again.

What can I say: I like my fingers. I can do cool things with them. And after about three minutes pumping gas they hurt like hell.

I'm beginning to think that joke about the brass monkeys might be based on some truth...

Time Again For The Answer Man (Talk Radio Edition)...

Here's one for my pals in the spoken-word radio biz...

The following question came up on one of the industry message board sites: If you were programming a talk station with a tight budget in a market where all the first-tier syndicated talent was already taken, what would you do?

Some thoughts...

At the very least, I would want AM and PM drive to be live and local, with traffic and weather throughout.

Forget about political agenda; find the most entertaining local or syndicated talent you can. Also, forget about who the most "popular" hosts are. Much that is just industry politics; a lot of the "talent" on the bird is only there because 1) economy of scale (an economist's way of saying they're cheap); 2) name recognition ("so-and-so is a former speech writer for the president" - who cares? 3) Ego (at least one prominent second-tier host I know bankrolls his show out of his own pocket, and is only on the air to satisfy his need to hear his own voice on the radio every day. Talent-wise, he's lucky to be considered second tier). Go according to your gut and the specific needs of your market.

Look for jocks with content who want to break into talk. Ditto talented folks from outside the biz. Make it a priotity to find people who are hungry and will take direction. Yes, they will eventually leave for greener pastures, but you can make that a good thing. Become a station with a rep for honing "the stars of tomorrow"; that way you'll always have hungry talent knocking at the door.

By the way, in case any suits are reading this...I would LOVE to get my programming hands on such a station...

Ollie Stoned

I caught a portion of a relatively recent ABC documentary on the Kennedy assination this evening on the History Channel. I can't speak for the entire program, but the segment I saw did a pretty good job of debunking all the Jim Garrison/Jim Marrs/Oliver Stone nonsense (the usual pro-conspiracy nutjobs have come out of the woodwork to condemn the program, which only enhances its credibility in my mind.

For the definitive treatment of the subject, though, this is the guy...

KOOOOOOO-KEEEEEEEEEE!

New on the market: DVDs of the early (circa 1969) Sesame Street, with the caveat that “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

So what, exactly, was so child-unfriendly about the old-school Street? Well…

The street itself, a funky, dark urban landscape…

Instead of computer graphics, some good old fashioned hand-drawn animation (along with clips of cows – lots of cows)…

Ernie a puckish foil to the curmudgeonly Bert…

Cookie Monster as pure walking id…

Oscar as, well, a grouch…

And best of all…none of that insufferable treacle-mouth, Elmo.

Yep – the old Sesame Street was, at times, downright subversive.

Subversive is cool.

Getting The Bird (or not)...

Since my wife and I both tend to work on holidays (mostly by choice - overtime doesn't suck), Thanksgiving dinner poses a bit of a scheduling problem. This year, we decided to dine out at one of our local buffet-type eateries.

One down note: they ran out of turkey early, so we had to settle for ham. As it turned out, it was fresh and tender, some of the best ham I've ever tasted (and I'm not what you would call a pork person).

What the hell: if that's the worst thing I can say about Thanksgiving dinner, then I can't complain - I am truly blessed.

Now, if they had run out of the pumpkin pie...

Anchors Aweigh

This is the U.S.S. Ticonderoga, circa April, 1945. Among the men serving on board at the time was a personal hero of mine, a young gunner's mate from Delaware named Bill Walsh.

Happy Veteran's Day, Pop.

And tonight on 20/20: The Michelle Shocked Story…

Tonight’s ABC World News Person Of The Week…

Natalie Merchant…

Natalie Merchant?

Leave it to ABC to laud a mediocre journeyman singer-songwriter whose “music” consists of little more than an endless string of junior high-level leftist platitudes, and HASN’T EVEN BEEN RELEVANT FOR TWENTY FRICKING YEARS…

(Sigh)…I need a drink…

We're the writers of "Cavemen"...don't make us get ugly with you...

Note to the Writers Guild, and to Hollywood Sarandonistas in general (in the unlikely event you’re actually listening):

If you want me to feel sympathy for the striking writers, threatening us with the prospect of no new programming ain’t the way to do it.

Trust me – my world will manage to go on if I don’t get my fresh new episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.

First step…get the hell over yourselves….

It also kind of explains Jenny McCarthy’s career…

I have a game I like to play while watching certain game shows.

I call it “Pick The Winner”…

It’s simple: when they introduce the contestants at the show’s onset, you simply pick which contestant will go all the way and win the Grand Prize.

Here’s the secret: the person who continuously mugs and shrieks and hops around like an insufferable idiot…

That person will win.

What can I say: picked the wrong planet for justice…

The other comedians in the running were unavailable for comment...

Since Colbert can't run for president, I propose we draft Drew Carey for the job.

Hell, I'd actually go and vote if he did run...